Vulnerability, Discernment, and the God Who Holds Us

The Weight and Gift of Vulnerability

I’ve always questioned my professionalism, ever since I began my career. I don’t think I always “look” like the Dr. Howell people might expect. Since Covid—and even before then—my work attire has never felt as “put together” as other professional women around me. I tend to choose comfort because I want to spend my energy on the work itself.

At times, I also struggle to know what to say in professional settings when asked seemingly simple questions. “How are you doing?” I usually smile and reply, “I’m good, can’t complain.” At the core, this is always true. I know how blessed I am, and I have no cause for complaints. Though things trouble me, I’ve experienced God’s favor all my life and know He loves His daughter.

And…

I worry about how people perceive me when I share a response that reveals my heart. You risk being seen as too emotional if you tell the truth sometimes—especially at work—even when asked, “How are you doing?”

So, when I shared with my colleagues during a team meeting that I’m hurting right now and got a little choked up, I knew I was taking a huge risk. I was putting my feelings out there, adding them to all the emotions already filling our system. With the ongoing RIF process and the recent, unexpected loss of a dearly loved staff member, there were more than enough emotions to go around.

And here I was, sharing mine.

This is the weight of vulnerability for me: knowing the risks of sharing, living, being authentic, and taking the risk anyway. My role suggests I am emotionally available for others tirelessly without needing support myself. Honestly, this was the first time I shared how I was feeling with my entire team since my own RIF notification in early November. I had held it together for a month, and I just couldn’t anymore.

And I think that’s the gift: not just releasing the emotions, but more importantly, releasing the fear of the risk. That release allows you to be the human you are without feeling like you owe an apology for existing, feeling, hurting.

Discernment: Knowing When and With Whom

The trick is knowing when and with whom you can be vulnerable.

Not everyone and not every space is safe for your vulnerability. And if you’re like me, you know this, and you constantly question this. You’re always testing the waters—because how else do you really know if a person or space is safe unless you test it?

In my faith journey, God has shown me the vital importance of discernment and seeking it in everything I do. Discernment is most simply using God’s Word to make godly decisions. He empowers us to do this through the Holy Spirit, and it’s an ability you can only receive through seeking Him. God may bless you with discernment freely because He's just that good to us but seeking and exercising it is an intentional act. It’s a choice we get to make if we’re wise.

It’s the choice to ask God to show you when and with whom to share your vulnerability. It’s the choice to ask Him how and how much to share. It’s the choice to ask Him to be with you as you experience whatever results come afterward.

Faith as a Guide to Vulnerability

1 Thessalonians 5:21–22 teaches us to test everything when it comes to our discernment with people. Then, we “hold on to what is good, reject every kind of evil.” Sounds simple, right? And man, how complicating it feels to actually practice this. Because some things that are evil don’t look that way. They don't sound that way. They don’t feel evil.

This is why we have to know the Word. We have to hide it in our hearts, as Psalm 119:11 says. When the Word is hidden in our hearts, what flows from them is filtered through the Word. Our hearts hold our desires, and when exercising discernment—especially in being vulnerable in the workplace—our hearts must be guided by God’s Word. We desire safety and the ability to be vulnerable, and we don’t always recognize that the two may not exist simultaneously with certain people or in certain spaces. Furthermore, because our hearts want both to exist at the same time, they can lead us astray if they’re not filled with the Word. The Word dwelling in our hearts helps align our desires with what we know, which is how our hearts speak to our minds. This is so important to understand as it relates to discernment because we need our hearts and minds to work together.

Practicing Safe Vulnerability

If you’re like me, you’re wondering what the aftermath was from me being vulnerable in that meeting. Well, initially, it felt… okay. I felt better because I released my real feelings to people I believed were safe for me to share those feelings.

I also added my feelings to the mounting hurt, sadness, anger, and overwhelm already floating around, looking to land wherever someone would allow them space.

And an encounter in the parking garage later that day reminded me that my release wasn’t the only one that needed to happen. A colleague and friend who was also in the meeting needed to release as well.

That’s an important part of this vulnerability journey, too. Sometimes we release with little to no impact. Other times, there is impact. Impact doesn’t have to be bad. We get the opportunity to witness in another way. We get to show the love of God that extends to all of us. His love that has more than enough room for all the feelings. His love that cares deeply about them all.

As you exercise discernment in being vulnerable at work, don’t forget there’s always safety in God when you don’t feel it anywhere else. If you struggle to discern wisely, don’t give up. Keep asking God to show you how. Keep learning about Him through His Word and letting the Holy Spirit guide you in the moment. You won’t do it perfectly, but you’ll always have our perfect God in your corner.

Reflection for You

• How do I discern the right people and places to share my story?

• What role does my faith play in guiding when and how I am vulnerable?

• How can I invite God into my discernment as I consider when and where to be vulnerable at work?

• How can I trust God with the impact of my vulnerability, whether it lands softly or stirs something in others?

May your vulnerability be met with grace, your discernment be strengthened by the Word, and your heart find rest in the God who sees you fully and loves you completely.